can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Someone signed my nipple.
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