Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
