the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
