Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
