My sheets look like a crime scene.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
