He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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