just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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