he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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