Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
