I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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