just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
