i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
