shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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