So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
