yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Bring me that man meat
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
