also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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