do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
