Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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