my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
