Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
