oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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