So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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