I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
