Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
