i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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