and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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