Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Boobs speak an international language.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
