i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Randomize
