People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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