Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
