So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
