All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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