Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
