I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
