I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize