it was like his penis was on wheels.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
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I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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