No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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