I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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