Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
porn star boner night. come get it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
