My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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