I wish my penis had an off switch
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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