he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
