I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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