She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
