I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
