I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
