Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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