this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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