what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
