Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize