This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
my nose is crying tears of wow.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
