At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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