You made me cry and you don't even care
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
how drunk are you?
Several
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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