I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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