I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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