in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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