Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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