I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
