i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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