I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
