you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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