My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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