Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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