So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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