i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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