i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
